Hey, that got your attention, I bet!
As spring approaches, resident bats will start their evening flyovers. Or flyarounds. I’ve got bats in my cavity (stop sniggering in the back row). Nothing too exotic, just some pipistrelles. And, as I’ve been told by those that know about these things, they’re all fellas. I think I’ve mentioned them before.
A couple of hundred yards away, the ladies roost in the tower of the local church. People living nearer to the church say they can be a noisy lot; I suppose that’s ladies for you. Put a few together and you’ve got the constant gossip. So the fellas, who, on the one hand, don’t want to be too far away from the ladies but, on the other, want to get away from all that noise, hang about here and then nip down to the church for their bit of hanky panky before returning to the peace and quiet I offer them.
They spend a lot of time flying around the house, always in the same direction, feeding on flying critters that are daft enough to be flying in the evenings. Occasionally one gets diverted and comes into the house. Believe me, they’re cute. They don’t object too much when I detach them from the curtains or pop outside with a bat hanging from my shirt or hair and encourage it to fly off. I’ve never had a bat bite. Nor have they ever deposited their guano on my computer keyboard. I won’t mention the curtain cleaning – that was a pure accident. We fellas just hang out together and be, like, fellas.
But conventional wisdom says they do bite.
Stuff conventional wisdom, whoever he, she or it is. Another instance of Trump’s fake news! (OK, I promise not to mention that t**t again!).
I can also debunk conventional wisdom about another critter often found in gardens – slow worms. The RSPB web site has an interesting article:
I know from painful experience (blood was involved) that they DO bite if disturbed. As their diet includes slugs and snails, it follows that they must have some chomping capability. But that’s beside the point when we’re talking about sex, unless you’re into that sort of thing. The RSPB points out the different appearance of male and female slow worms. Now I’ve never seen a slow worm with a hint of grey (maybe they’re using Just For Men) or without that line down their back, either live or deposited in resident cat’s trophy area (I’ve tried to tell him that killing slow worms deliberately is a criminal offence but he just looks at me and blinks slowly, which is how cats convey positive vibes; fast blinking means look out).
Now as the population of slow worms seems to be growing year-on-year, it follows that there must be a bit of sex happening. Ergo, there must be fellas around somewhere.
Maybe, slow worm fellas are sensible, like bats, and snuggle up to the females when they want their wicked way before retiring to the bachelor pad for a bit of peace and quiet. They’re also better at hiding from resident cat than the females.
Oh, and talking about sex, resident frogs started their annual orgy today. Time to cut back the pond plants.